'Tis the Season

Those of you who are offended by decoration critiques should read no further. 'Tis the season to be tacky, really tacky. It wasn't always this ridiculous.  When I was growing up most houses had a set of multi-colored lights strung up on the eaves of the house.  A few threw caution to the winds and added some yard reindeer or a Santa. But mostly it was just lights.  Some of the lights were low enough for young hoodlums to unscrew and throw up into the air delighting at the popping noise and the shattered bulb in the street. I'm not admitting to anything but I saw it done.

When my kids were little we'd take one night and drive to the neighborhood that had every house decorated to the rafters.  Besides lights on the eaves, they were hung in branches, wrapped around tree trunks, and draped in shrubbery. Santa with a full complement of reindeer landed on roofs or in front yards.  Some yards sported Santa's workshop complete with elves and snow.  Those nights we were part of a slow parade of cars cruising the streets oohing and aahing at the fantasy and glitter.

Let's fast forward to 2011.  I drive to work in the morning and see a holiday green inflatable Santa train (I know Santa doesn't drive a train but I didn't design the thing) in a local yard.  Most mornings though poor Santa and his choo choo are a wad of green nylon melted onto the lawn. As the season wears on, more and more inflatable Santas, reindeer, sleds, and even snowmen appear on lawns. In their deflated state these caricatures of traditional symbols are but sad puddles, unidentifiable to the passerby.  Unlike lights which disappear in the daylight these cheesy balloon characters spend their days putting the ugly on the house they "decorate".

These are cheap (maybe not inexpensive, I don't know) and dirty decorations.  They take no time to put up or take down. Little thought or effort is required for  their installation. No one thinks about aesthetics when putting one up. Just plug the guy in and up he goes. Instant Christmas or instant Halloween if you like. Worst of all is how really ugly they are.  There's not a classy one out there. They look like bad cartoons when they're up and trash when they're down.

The argument that kids love them and Christmas is for kids just doesn't fly. Kids love lots of things they shouldn't have and parents have been known to say, "Absolutely not!" We loved stealing bulbs and tossing them into the street but I doubt any parent would take their kids out to do that!

The blight cast on neighborhoods by these tacky "decorations" is sad. Perfectly presentable homes fronted by lush lawns and blooming shrubs  instantly become showcases of quick and dirty decor advertising the owners' lack of taste and class. Eye candy it's not.

I have to come clean and admit this comes from a woman who will do almost anything to avoid hauling out Christmas decorations. I have spent Christmas in Costa Rica and am planning a mountain Christmas to avoid the chore. It's not that I don't love the signs of the season, I do. But after years of hauling dusty boxes down from the rafters I just got tired of the process. Now I'm happy enjoying other people's decorations, unless of course the decor includes those, those....THINGS!

Michael, Herman, and the NBA

Someone has to take the blame for Michael Jackson's death. I thought Conrad Murray was that guy and he was, but since he's flat broke he can't compensate the "family" for Jackson's early demise. I'm surprised he lasted as long as did.  Mama Jackson and Michael's children have decided to sue AEG, the company that financed Michael's comeback tour, claiming that AEG caused Jackson's death. Really! Here's the argument: the pressure from the company was too much for the singer and caused him to take more drugs.  Fascinating. Last I checked Michael Jackson was a 50 year old adult who cared for his children, signed his own contracts, and ran his own life. Now his family is juvenilizing him. Portraying him as a poor incompetent child who was unable to make his own decisions. Too bad they weren't as concerned about him when he actually was a child.

I know I'm not the only one who saw the movie made of his rehearsals.  He looked energetic, self-aware, and totally in charge of the whole business. I'm glad AEG is a large company with means and attorneys to stomp on this frivolous lawsuit. Not to mention I'm sick of the Michael Jackson cult.  He was a grown man and drug addict who may have been a child molester. Not only did he dig his own grave, he paid people to help him do it. What a guy!

Let's talk molestation. Herman Cain. Apparently he never heard of Arnold Schwarzenegger whose grope-inator reputation cut him off at the knees politically. Cain has decided to go with the, "I didn't do it" defense.  The old "those women" are part of the Democratic machine and are lying defense. Shades of Clarence Thomas (who by the way has never asked a question or made a statement in court since being appointed,  he's really engaged in the process!). It's hard to believe he thinks he's credible and harder to believe he doesn't look back at the recent history of political candidates brought down by allegations of sexual misconduct. I say go for it Herman.  If the GOP runs you as their candidate Obama will certainly serve a second term.

Is this fall great or what? No basketball messing up the TV schedules.  No inane sports drivel driving me out of the room for some peace.  Really I wouldn't mind basketball if it was played in silence.  I don't know how the sportscasters do it.  I don't know how they talk nonstop for two and a half hours about nothing.  And then the nearly preverbal players are interviewed. Why? They have nothing to say.  I can predict what they'll say win or lose, "It was a great game. We played a good game." And these guys went to college or at least spent a few years playing ball for a college. So, thank you team owners for locking out the NBA players. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet.

Extend Your Warranty

Last weekend we purchased a new refrigerator. Our old one still works but it freezes refrigerated food and I've never liked the side by side arrangement. So after searching the web for good prices and going to several appliance stores, we ended up at Sears. They had just what I wanted and they had it in white, an increasingly rare color.  Now I watch HGTV and know that stainless steel is the latest and greatest but all my other appliances are white and frankly the steel fridges looked too industrial for my taste. If I wanted to live in a sheet metal plant I could. But the real issue here is the warranty.

Why is it that every time you want to buy a major appliance the salespeople go overboard trying to sell you on the extended warranty? They give you this long spiel about how the electronics are expensive to replace and a service call is $100 and on and on. So on Saturday I looked at the salesman and thought, what, is there something wrong with the fridge that you're not telling me? Are your products defective from the get go? Even the department manager got in the action, strongly advising us to buy the extended warranty. I almost told them to void the sale if the machine is so unreliable that it will break down after one year.

However, my experience has been that even if you do buy the extended warranty, things always break down a week or two after it has expired, so it doesn't do you any good anyway. We only get an extended warranty when I purchase appliances on my own and am sucked into the sales pitch.  I admit it I'm a sucker. My husband who can actually fix or at least diagnose appliance problems never buys the extended warranty.

Now when I really think about it, extended warranties are like little short-term insurance policies. I don't know about you but the whole insurance industry makes me see red. You'll notice they're not going under. I've got insurance for two houses, two cars, medical insurance, flood insurance, and life insurance.  Of course all these companies will continue to insure me as long as I don't file a claim. And the flood insurance will simply never pay off because I don't really live in a flood zone.  If it ever does flood here we'll file a claim with FEMA because the deductible on the insurance would bankrupt us. How's that for ridiculous?

But back to the subject at hand. If I bought extended warranties for all my "stuff" I'd have to include my washer and dryer, my dishwasher and oven, my laptop and desktop computers, and my television. Imagine how much that comes to! Enriching insurance companies doesn't warm my heart. Wouldn't it be great if appliances and the like just worked?