Thursday, January 19, 2012

Toddler Dog

My puppy is almost a year old and still not house trained.  We have to close off all the rooms in the house to keep her from sashaying in and either peeing on the carpet or chewing up a cord.  So far she's hungry for my headphones and has destroyed two pairs. She goes so far as to try to get them out of my ears if I'm lying on the floor stretching. What is that about? She also has a taste for hubby's pillow and will lick it forever if allowed.  Now my pillow holds no such allure for some reason. Sigh..

Izzy has a whole bed full of toys. She doesn't and won't sleep in the bed but it's a repository for her many toys.  She has a real affinity for green toys.  Yeah, I know dogs are color blind but what can I say, she's a "green" dog. All of said toys end up right in the walkway of the family room of course. The nylon bones, squeaky toys, balls, and yarn knots have to be picked up every day and returned to the bed she won't sleep in.  The great thing about Izzy and her toys is that she plays with them by herself. Yes, by herself.  She throws the ball around and runs after it.  She plays hide and squeak with the green spiky thing. I've never seen a dog play with it's own toys before.  I throw the ball for her and she plays with me too but she's nearly as happy playing on her own.

She's uninterested in her dog bed as I said. Instead she likes to drape herself on the corner of the couch where she can look out the window and be nearly as high as we are. Since she has hair instead of fur she often looks like an old mop head thrown on the couch. Boneless also describes her very well.

My biggest problem with her is that she doesn't come when called, ever. In fact the word "come" seems to be dog speak for take off like a shot in the opposite direction. She's always been a little skittish but this goes beyond skittish to just plain ornery.  If she were a kid we'd call it oppositional defiant disorder. Here we just call her a stubborn little bitch and try all manner of tricks to get her sorry butt where we want her to go.  She's sure that something terrible is going to happen if she comes when called. Since she's not too impressed by food, treats don't work.  However, petting Mickey, our other dog, is guaranteed to evoke "sibling rivalry". THEN she wants in on the action.  But you have to be quick and not make eye contact or she'll slip right out from under your fingers. And if she gets out in the front yard....let's just say I look like an idiot trying to corral her as she streaks from one house to another having a grand game of chase with me coming in last.

My neighbors across the street have a dog that's the same breed as Izzy and say they've never been able to teach him to come.  Their saving grace was to teach him to "stay" so they can go get him. I have to admit I used to feel superior watching  their antics as they chased Nick down while my dog never left the yard.  Now I'm the one the neighbors are laughing at. What goes around, comes around I guess.

Next week Izzy and I start obedience training. Not a moment too soon. For either of us.


Monday, January 16, 2012

Waterboarding for Babies

I belong to a gym or rather a club. It's a tennis and racquetball club with several pools, yoga studio, Pilates studio, and of course a gym.  I don't belong to the tennis and racquetball part of the club since I don't play tennis. In the summer or when the weather is warm I like to swim laps in the Olympic sized pool. The short way, not the long way. There is also a highly regarded children's swim school there. They learn in a very warm salt water pool. The water isn't salty it's just not treated with chlorine.  Frankly, I don't know how the system works and I don't care. The point is, this is one of the shallow pools in which infants, toddlers, and children take swim lessons.  There is another pool just outside the Pilates studio that is used for the same thing.

In actuality these pools are torture chambers for many infants.  The CIA and their waterboarding technicians have nothing on the instructors and parents of these babies. I know the cry of a scared infant when I hear one and let me say that many of these infants are terrified to be floating on their backs with the sun beating down on their eyes.  It's a terrible thing to witness. For at least 30 minutes these infants (6 months or less) scream. How can this be a good thing?  Babies cannot be considered water safe and parents are fooling themselves if they think a 9 month old that falls into a pool can simply turn over and float until someone notices.

When I swim I wear goggles and a swim cap and still water gets in my ears and it's so uncomfortable I can't wait to get out and put some drops in my ears to dry up the water.  It's hard to imagine how miserable these babies feel with water in their ears in addition to the sun and the fear of being suspended in the water with a stranger.  How can parents  bear to listen their babies shriek and cry in pain and terror.  I can't stand it and they're not my kids.  I have to leave the pool area to avoid smacking some parent  upside the head. In the Pilates studio we have to close the windows when a baby is having a "lesson" because it's too painful to listen to the crying. I don't know what these poor babies are learning in their "lessons" but it's not swimming.

When my kids were still in diapers I took them to Mommy and Me swim classes at the YMCA.  At the beginning it was just getting them used to the water and I was in the water with them.  I didn't pass the responsibility off to some stranger. Later, when they were ready to really learn how to swim I put them in classes with instructors. By that time they weren't afraid of the water.  Of course they hadn't been subjected to water torture as infants which really helped.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pamper Yourself

Yesterday I decided to spend my birthday money and treat myself to a massage and a facial to ease my anxiety and tension about the holidays.  Looking on the internet, I found several spas in my area.  I was disappointed that the spa I usually patronize was closed on Monday.  I found one not too far away and called.  The woman told me that they would be open Wednesday when her remodel was finished. I declined, wanting a more immediate remedy for my tight shoulders.  The phone rang while I was still cruising the internet.  It was the woman from the remodeling spa. She could provide the services that evening after the construction workers had gone home. I hesitated. No thanks, that's too much trouble.  Oh no trouble she assured me. She didn't want to miss out on a customer.  At this point I must mention that I could tell she was Vietnamese which becomes important later on. How did I know? I have worked with Vietnamese parents and children for 17 years and I can pick out their accents.

I finally agreed.  The price was right and what the hell, I'd open my mind and give it a try.  I got there a little before 6 pm. I opened the door and was surprised to see a bona fide construction zone. Steel beams, piles of tile, trenches cut in the marble floor.  This remodel is not going to be finished in one more day I thought. A woman named Becky (Vietnamese, of course, just like I thought) greeted me and steered me back to the first room past the lobby construction. Not a great room but adequate. A massage table, some weird machines, a chair and some ceiling open to the roof.

Becky told me she would do a Thai massage first and then the facial. We had to go through this more than once since her accent was so heavy.  That's saying something because I'm pretty good at understanding Vietnamese English. It started like a regular massage, dim lights, soothing music, and a really fantastic foot massage. It progressed nicely to a hot stone massage which I'd never had before for my upper back. Also very nice. She did keep talking to me and I couldn't understand a word. Unfortunately, she was asking me questions so there were a few puzzles.

It got a little dicey at the end of the massage.  It was the most intimate massage I've ever had and I took the baths at Baden Baden in Germany where everyone walked around naked. So, she's massaging my legs and I swear she got up on the table and pressed on my coccyx and tried to spread my hips (?). All the time I was telling myself, just relax, keep an open mind. Very unusual experience.

I turned over for the roughest facial ever! If you've ever had a facial you know that at some point the aesthetician usually pats your face quickly with both hands.  I swear my teeth were knocking together! No joke.  I was actually paying to be smacked upside the face! And when she took the mask off I think she used wet sand paper - ouch! I'm not a huge fan of facials in the first place but this was really something. My shoulders tensed right up. By this time too my legs were asleep from the knees down. The cushion under my knees was too small and cut off my circulation. That was a new experience.

On the plus side I must admit that the leg and hip massage she did while waiting for the mask to do its thing was great and loosened up my joints.  But it didn't really make up for the smacking and the sandpaper.

Becky was very nice and I know she was doing her best but between the language barrier, the smack down and the coccyx thing I don't think I'll go back. It's interesting that here in Orange County, Vietnamese immigrants have chosen to go into personal service jobs. My own observation has been that "gentle" is not a common cultural characteristic. I've had some pretty rough manicures and pedicures which is why I have  avoided Asian spas in the past. Right about now I'm thinking that might be a pretty good policy.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

And the winner is...

Grammys, Emmys, Tonys, and more!
Actors, singers, directors galore!
Red carpets, and gowns
Diamonds abound!
Applause from their peers
Awards up their rears!
Hollywood honors their own every year.


Not enough are the millions
They're paid to pretend.
Not enough the applause
or the fame they can't spend.
They've got to have statues, awards, and some bling
No matter the mansions or easy living.


Awards and statues and bling oh no!
Applause and red carpets, a big no show.
No millions, no mansions for most of us here.
Cure a kid, build a bridge, not even a cheer.
But in Hollywood dear, fame and fortune are found
And awards just for acting (pretending) abound.


Check real estate listings and you will see
A part in a sitcom lands you in Beverlee.
Movie star wages are millions each flick
Even directors are millionaires - click.
With all that they have do they really crave more?
More applause, more awards, just more, more and more?

Free Speech, Mine and Theirs

I went to the post office the other day to drop off my Christmas cards.  The post office is a good place for people to set up tables for petitions and whatnot.  That day several tables were set up and manned by a bunch of retirees having a good ole time talking to passersby and distributing literature about the evils of the current Washington administration.  There was one poster in particular that I have seen before and find odious and offensive and it was posted on the side of the table that day.

The poster shows President Obama with a Hitlerian mustache.  In what universe can one possible compare Barack Obama with Hitler?  Hitler exterminated over 6 million people and destroyed vast parts of Europe. He tortured, enslaved, and starved millions more. Obama is a lawyer from Illinois who, although he is president, must have approval from Congress to do anything. He is not a dictator or tyrant. Are the people who produce and display such offensive posters so ignorant that they don't know anything about Hitler or World  War II? No. They're bigots who can't think of a more vile comparison and use it as a scare tactic to perpetuate their own fear and hatred. I could say they are uninformed or afraid of change but that would be cutting them too much slack, giving them too much credit. Bigots, racists one and all.

As I left the post office one old man approached me waving a piece of paper saying, "You'll want to read this!" I didn't even turn my head or hesitate.  I walked to my car fuming.  If I had stopped I wouldn't have been able to keep a cool head or use decent language. Next time though, I think I will stop and say a few words. Bigot and racist will be first on my list. Ignorant POS may be next.

Silence allows such hatred and bigotry to spread. No one approaches these people, nice older white guys and gals, except those with like minds.  Most people just walk by and ignore the folks manning the tables. I can see why. If you disagree and speak up, you are outnumbered. You are facing off against a group.  That's why gangs are successful, there is safety in numbers. However, it is high time those of us who disagree with the hatred and lies they spew, stand up to them in public places to make it clear that they are NOT the voice of the people. I am "the people" too  and they do not speak for me!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

What Did You Say?

This is just me being picky but in what language is /ou/ pronounced /u/ like cute or huge? In English /ou/ has two basic pronunciations in words like 'group'  or 'ounce'. For some unknown reason in the word 'coupon' the /ou/ is pronounced like the /u/ in cue or cute. What is that about and where did it come from?

The other word is 'kindergarten'. I work in an elementary school where even the administration cannot pronounce that simple word. I can't count how many educated people I know say "kindygarten". These are people in education who should know better.  Not only that, when they speak to parents whose first language isn't English they mispronounce the word and pass on the error.  I wonder if they really think 'kindygarten' is correct or are they too lazy to pronounce it correctly?

Maybe both words come from previous eras and areas where 'wash' was pronounced 'warsh' for example and Los Angeles had a variety of mispronunciations.  I can't even begin to spell the variations. I'd need that nasty pronunciation guide at the beginning of the dictionary and then you, the reader, wouldn't be able to decipher the spelling either.

Let's not forget the word "nuclear" which even public speakers often pronounce as "nucular". Elected officials are the worst offenders.  They stand up in front of a microphone and mispronounce it until it starts to sound right.  It's not but they seem so sure of themselves. You'd think one of their many aides would correct them.  But no, it's a ubiquitous error most people probably don't even hear any more. Imagine trying to look up 'nucular' in a dictionary.

I can't tell you how many times in a school year children study how to use a dictionary.  It's unreal. And it's really, really boring.  How many times have you referred to the pronunciation guide in the dictionary?  None? I thought so.  Before I started having to teach it I never so much as looked at it. If I did, it looked like some foreign language which in a sense it is. With its upside down e's and triangle hats and double dots it's confusing and not very helpful. It's a code, and breaking it takes some serious study. Even then it's not overly helpful.

Mostly people just reproduce what they hear others say, right or wrong. And sometimes it's just plain wrong.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How Much Does It Cost?

I ask again, how much do things cost? Trying to the find the cost of anything these days requires some diligent research.  Is there a one day sale? Do I get a percentage off if I use a credit card? How much is it if I have a "store" card? Do I need to produce the coupon I was emailed? If I sign up for yet another credit card how much will the store take off? It's insane!

Recently I shopped a "pre-sale" in a small luxury store. The sale didn't start for two days but I could get the sale price that day if I were willing to wait for my items to be shipped FREE. What kind of math is that?   Let's get this straight - the store was willing to give me the sale price that day if I could wait for an employee to pack it in a box and pay to ship it to my house. AND since I bought more than $50 worth of items I received a another $35 item free.  From that last bit I conclude that the $35 item wasn't worth more than a dollar. Is that any way to run a business? They could have just given me the sale price and I would have taken it home saving the cost of the employee required to box it and the cost of shipping. Completely nuts!

Then there's the scam of those store cards. I went into CVS, a store I rarely shop in, to buy something, I don't remember what but probably some cold medicine I needed right then.  The price was listed in large red numbers under the item and when I got to the register I had to pay almost double for the item because I didn't have a store card. What kind of sh** is that? I guess there was some XXXfine print that explained this but even with my glasses on I couldn't read it. I don't want a store card.  I've got too many cards in my wallet already.  I felt totally ripped off. No, I was totally ripped off.

Grocery stores do the same thing with their "cards". At the end of your purchase the checker informs you how much you "saved" by using your card.  How about if the goods were accurately priced in the first place. I avoid supermarkets most of the time for that very reason. During the last weeks long strike by supermarket employees, I, as a union member, refused to cross the picket line.  I discovered a small family market with superior produce and a fabulous meat counter and have shopped there ever since. Another plus, they play Hawaiian music in the background. Their produce is fresher and cheaper than the supers. Their meat is more expensive but it is flavorful, tender, and I can get the exact amount I want. AND they have no "card"!  The price is the price is the price. What a relief! We also shop at Trader Joe's, another store with no member cards and honest prices.

I can't let this go until I complain about big stores whose "one day" sales have gone on every day since Thanksgiving. Why not just have a holiday sale until Christmas and let it go? Save some advertising dollars.  If I'm out shopping and have forgotten my coupon that's license to rip me off. Let's not forget using the store credit card. Use it and you get money off, apply for it and you win the savings jackpot. What the hell? Are all stores going bankrupt from marking goods down OR is the sale price a more accurate reflection of the item's true cost?

I am becoming increasingly convinced that all goods everywhere are marked up so retailers can mark them down enticing shoppers in to "save money". If you buy an item, guess what, you're not saving money you're spending it. I could ask,"How stupid does the retail industry think we are?" But I already know answer. Consumers are gullible and incapable of critical thinking.

Lest you think I've opted out of the crazy retail games, I can tell you I'm no exception. I applied for a Sears card to save money on a new refrigerator and an REI VISA to get a $100 gift card.  So here I am with two cards I'll never use just to "save" some money.

Used to be only car prices were hiked up and subject to negotiation. Everyone knew it and acted accordingly.  Not any more. Now everywhere you go you have to wonder, how much should this really cost and am I carrying the right cards and coupons for this store? What a scam.